"One day at a time"

It was a beautiful day today. Woke up this morning the sun was out, the birds were singing. We went to church this morning and this afternoon we went to visit Lucky in rehab. Today he is 24 days clean and sober.  He looks good, and sounds good. He's very anxious to get out of course. 

Tonight at 8, he has an interview at an oxford house near Seattle. Lucky has decided that its not a good idea for his sobriety to be in the same area where he grew up.  All his using friends are in this area and of course all of his family. He says no offense mom, but there is to much drama on both sides of my family. He's right, I will agree with him on that one.  Lucky does not have a good relationship with his father. My family is not close, especially after my father died.

I will admit I'm feeling anxious about him leaving the confines of the treatment facility. I wished that I could lock him in there forever. Then I wouldn't have to worry about him. When he's in treatment I know that he's clean and sober, he has a roof over his head, he get's three hot meals a day. I know that he does not have to deal with peer pressure or the temptation of drugs and alcohol being around him. I keep telling myself  "Tina, you can not change it, you didn't cause it, you are powerless over his disease"

Lucky is on his 3 full stay in rehab, and 1 week of detox. Each and every time I get my hope up and believe he's going to stay clean, but I just end up getting disappointed once again.   I am trying to take one at a time, and to have no expectations.  It's difficult though.

Today while visiting my son, I found myself doing what I shouldn't be doing. I was telling Lucky that he can not hang around my sisters oldest daughter because she is an addict as well. I stopped myself and finished listening to what he had to say about the situation. He said your right mom. I can only be around her, when other family members are around. Its so hard to get out of bad habits. I have got to stop telling him what to do. It doesn't matter because he's an addict and a young adult. They do what they want no matter what you say anyways. During my first Al-Anon meeting I listened to a woman say you must treat your qualifier with respect, just as you would want them to treat you. I keep forgetting that because I always want to fix the problem and stir him away from trouble.  I think I need to go back to step one.

"Lucky" is my son's nick name that was given to him while playing baseball

Just for today I will keep reminding myself that Lucky's addiction is not my fault. That I am powerless over it. I'm going to keep giving it to God and take it "One day at a time"