Today I attended my first Al-Anon meeting. I actually said in front of many people "Hi I'm Tina, I'm a mother of an alcoholic and drug addict. That was a huge step for me, for many months my sons drug and alcohol counselors have been trying to get me to attend meetings, so I can start my own personal healing.
In reading an article about detachment, love and forgiveness, I learned Al-Anon recovery is about reclaiming our lives. This is done by focusing on ourselves, build on our strengths, ask and accept help with limitation.
When you have a loved one in your life who is an addict. You life becomes entangled in that persons life. You begin covering up, smoothing over, making excuses, paying to bail them out of trouble, give then a place to live because you don't want them out on the street.
I think obsessively about what he is doing. Is he going to work, Is he hanging out with drug users. The users past, current and potentional actions become our sole focus. I've learned today this is not love, it is obsession. Your not helping your addict get well, Its self destructive and harmful.
Al-Anon teaches us to detach ourselves from our loved ones. To separate ourselves emotionally and spiritually from our loved ones. How do you do that to someone you gave life to? In my head I understand that detachnment from my loved one is for me to be able to reclaim my own life back.
good for you big hugs..one step at a time and you need to stand up for yourself and be that strong woman that you are..your son is a grown up now and you can support him and be there but there is a line where you must let go so he can learn..he has to learn..
ReplyDeletehugs
Hi. Sorry you are part of the club. From 12 years experience with this, I can tell you the following:
ReplyDeleteGo to our blogs. Read them. Look on the side and go to the blogs on their blogroll's.
Like any kids, addict children do not appreciate anything they don't personally pay for either financially, emotionally or physically.
You were right to just tell him, I don't know. I don't have the money.
He might get kicked out of rehab for not having the co-pay. that is not your fault! It's his.
Addicts MUST face the consequences of their using. They MUST deal with the courts by themselves. They MUST find their own rides to probation, court, etc. They MUST deal with their own rehabs.
It's like high school. It was perfectly okay for YOU to go to Hollister or Abercrombie and pay over $100 for ONE pair of jeans for them, but if they had to use their OWN money.....they wouldn't do it would they?
Thanks for stopping by. I'm sorry that there are so many of us in this club. You are very right about addicts needing to face their own consequences of their using. That's one of the first things I learned in AL-anon. Take Care
ReplyDeleteHi Tina, I found you through another one of the bloggers. I'll be reading along since we are on the same journey, my son is also 20 and the heartache has been almost unbearable at times. Like Dawn said - check out our blogs and you will get lots of support and words of wisdom. We all need each other.
ReplyDeleteI've added your son to my list of addicts/parents that I send out prayers for every day.
Thank you Barbara. I have been checking out different blogs since I've started my own. The heartache is unbearable at times. All we can do it take one day at a time. Take care, I will pray for your son as well.
ReplyDeleteThere are many parents at different stages of recovery ..read their emotions and experiences and learn from them...that is what helped me stay "sane"
ReplyDeleteI am a parent of a 22 year old daughter who has never given me any pause to worry. Unfortunately, I wish that I could say the same. I was/am the addict now in my sixth year of recovery. I am here to offer support and hope that there is life on the other side.
ReplyDeletepeace, love and happiness...
sickgirl