Oh what an emotional day I have had. This recovery process has so many ups and downs. You feel great for a while and then all of a sudden you hit a bump in the road.
Lucky did not get into the first sober living house he interviewed at, so yesterday I took Lucky to a Oxford house interview near Green Lake. He was pumped and excited. He called about 10 or 1030 to let me know that they have accepted him into the house. The cost to move into the sober living home is $510.
To go back a few days, Lucky was blessed to have a gentleman named "D" come into his life while in treatment. This gentleman was clean for 17 years and had relapsed. He's been wanting to give back to the program that has helped him for so many years, and has built a friendship with my son. To give back he has decided to help Lucky with some costs of recovery. I felt that it was a pretty big gesture for a person to do for someone he hardly knows. "D" assured me that it was not a loan and that he really wanted to help my son out. Pastor is always saying that we all need to pay things forward to help others. I feel that God has brought "D" into my and my sons life for a reason. Which is a true blessing.
Lucky called from rehab this morning to let me know that he will only have $250 towards the rent of his sober living house. "D" does not want to cause more issues between him and his wife, which I totally understand. So now the night before Lucky gets out of the treatment facility we are scrambling to figure out how to pay for his rent.
I know that figuring out how to pay his rent is not my problem, but I can't help not to worry about it. I told Lucky that I don't know what to do. I received my first paycheck from my new job for a weeks worth of pay. I can either pay my cell phone bill or give my son the money so that he can have a sober place to live and be away from temptation.
To my surprise my son told me that he prayed and asked God for help on how to figure out how to pay for his Oxford house. I was totally surprised!!!! He doesn't want me to use my money because I need to have a phone. I'm being hard on my self because I don't have the money to just pull out of the bank to pay for housing. I don't want my son out on the street, but I don't want him in my house either. I know this stress of where he is going to live will be hard on his recovery to stay sober.
I'm feeling really anxious about this whole situation. I keep repeating my steps in my head. I am powerless over his disease. I can not change it or control it. In my head I keep asking myself why me? Why did my son end up being addict? Where did I go wrong raising him?
Just for today I will give it to God...pray for guidance and strength to get through this bump in the road.
Oh, Tina, my heart goes out to you. It is fantastic that your son has a place to go. While he told you about his problem, perhaps he doesn't want you to solve it. Praying for another small miracle for you. ~Dee
ReplyDeleteYour son will figure it out! Give him some credit and let him work his recovery. We always try to take care of our addicts. I quit doing that a long time ago. Our kids are pretty resourceful. We need to take care of ourselves. I am glad that you are not giving up your first paycheck for this. I know it is tempting, but I think that your son will be fine. It's a long road, what step at a time...
ReplyDeleteI know ups and downs all too well. Sounds like your son is making some good decisions. I know its hard, its sad...its exhausting. Keep hanging in there.
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