Derek Todd Phifer

http://youtu.be/7dGvzgvhwKs

Today we celebrated my nephews life.  I have attached the video that was made in remembrance of Derek

November 13, 2011

It was a typical Saturday, got up early to go get coffee.  I was talking to my cousin Melissa on the phone.  Then my best friends husband called. I ignored his call, would call him after my conversation with Melissa.  Well Corey called again and that is not like him.  I knew something was wrong.  Well there was, Derek my 25 year old nephew was in a car accident and he was air lifted to Harbor View in Seattle.  I grabbed Lucky and we headed to the hospital. When we got there I was straight to ICU. They had no record of him.  Derek had come in as a John Doe because they couldn't find any id on him.  We went down stairs and finally found our extended family.  My family was all crying their eyes out.

My nephew Derek & his fiance Tristan had been in a serious accident.  They laid there for six hours before someone walking their dog had found them.  Derek had suffered major head trauma, broken pelvis, and damaged lungs.  Tristan had suffered a 8 inch gash on her head and her spleen was bleeding.

They finally got Derek out of surgery & moved us up to the ICU waiting area. Once they got us settled, we were told the doctor will be out to let us know how he was doing.  What seemed like eternity and then the finally the doctor came out.  Unfortunately what she had to tell us was not good.  Derek suffered major head trauma, stroked out on his left sign of his brain and had no blood flow to that area.  His mother asked if he was going to come out of this okay.  But the doctor said I'm sorry to say this but there is to much damage for Derek  to recover.  My heart sank and broke as I was trying to help pull my sister off the floor.  She started screaming and crying. She told her husband to bring her baby boy back to her!

We were all called back to the hospital very early in the a.m. on Sunday.  The doctors said a decision had to be made regarding Derek's care.  The final decision was made to take him off life support and donate his organs.  We were all allowed to visit him Saturday & Sunday to say our good byes and just spend time with him.  It was so very painful to see a young man that you have known all his life laying there on life support.  His head was so swollen from the brain trauma.

During Derek's final moments all the people who loved and cared for him were in the room.  It was soo painful and heart breaking to watch the people I love in so much pain.  Once Derek passed they took him into the operating room to take his kidneys for donation. One went to UW & the other to a hospital in Idaho.  Derek is living on in another people, which is what he would of wanted.

I guess I am writing about this is because I want young kids to stop thinking nothing is going to happen to you because it will.  My best friend no longer has her baby boy. Do not drink & drive, Do not get high and drive, wear your seat belts.  Call your parents or someone who loves you. One of my son's best friends was here for dinner tonight.  He has a major drinking & drug problem.  I didn't preach at him, but I did tell him that I don't want to have to bury him like I am my nephew.

 RIP Derek Todd Phifer December 2, 1985 to November 13, 2011

Candle Light Vigil @ Crash Site

Today

Lucky is 9 months clean and sober today on Thanksgiving.  I have so much to be grateful for! I love this kid with everything that I have.

Update

It's been a long time since I've been on here. Been going through lots of changes. Find myself single still. Started a new job at Guild Mortgage. Feels good to be back in the business after 5 years. Lucky has been clean almost 8 months now. He is living at home with me, most of the time I enjoy having him here.lol... He is working woooo hoooo! I still have moments that I miss Rob...but there's nothing that I can do about that. I have been dating off and on, which really stinks at my age. Enough for now, will be back soon :)

Major Victory

Today God has blessed my son with a major victory. He got a full time job working for an excavating company.  He's been feeling over whelmed about his money issues & not being able to find a job.  His sponsor gave him glowing recommendation and he starts next week. I am so excited and proud of Lucky.

Another victory Lucky has had is being clean for 5 months. He's doing so well living up in Seattle. Staying away from his old friends. I'm feeling so blessed and thank god for all his blessing he has given my son & I

I am an adult!!!!! Don't tell me who I should love!!!!!

Sorry I need to vent:  The last few days I have been feeling sad because I miss someone who is very special to me. Lately people close to me keep telling me to move on...Why do you still love him? Do you love him or do you love the thought of him taking care of you! All of these statements make me so angry.  I Love "R" with all my heart & soul. I do not need him to take care of me. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.  I did before he was here and I will do it now.

Listen to my words people the last time I checked,  I am a 41 year old grown woman who is capable of deciding who I love and don't love.  This is my life not yours! If I have a chance to mend the relationship I had with "R" I'm going to do it. This relationship did not end just because of him. We both had our part in it failing.  Right now I am giving him the space he needs to figure out his life. I know God brought us together for a reason. If its meant to be only time will tell.  I pray that my wish comes true some day.

Please stop meddling in my life and worry about yourself.  Thank You & God Bless

Life Moves On!

You can either move on with your life or dwell on things you can't change. But either way, life does move on, with or without you. When a relationship or something ends, look at it as being pushed out so you can be pushed up. It may not feel good right now knowing you’ve got to start all over again. It may seem unfair and frightening,... but just begin to realize there is a reason and season for everything. Great things, new things can happen if you can just hold on to your faith, positive attitude and self-determination to rise again. Sometimes a kick in the butt pushes us forward. Let’s move on from here.
~Lucera Galthikhor Alrmond~

Fathers Day

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. There isn't a day that goes by since you have passed that I don't think of you.  I think of you in silence and often speak your name.

On this fathers day all I have are memories, your picture in a frame and your cowboy hat hanging on the wall.  Your memory is my keepsake which I will never part with.

God has you in his keeping. I will always have you in my heart!

Clean & Sober

My son came to see me today =) He's happy, clean and looking good. I'm feeling so blessed that he's doing well. As of today he has 84 days clean & sober.

Be Positive

Positive minds produce positive lives. Negative minds produce negative lives. Positive thoughts are always full of faith and hope. Negative thoughts are always full of fear and doubt.

Lucky's 84 Shagin Wagon

I have to give my son credit for being resourceful and smart. He bought an 84 station wagon from his friend for $1. Today he had his roommate do the painting that's on the hood. He has no shame in driving this wagon. He's excited to have his own transportation.

Movies

Last Thursday, I got a call from Lucky right after I left work. He called to say lets go to a movie Mom. I informed Lucky that my money was tight right now and can't afford it. He informed me it was his treat. I was shocked my son was taking me out and I didn't have to pay for anything. He surprises me every day.
I love him so much!

I Want To Love

I want to love, Lord

I need to love

I deserved to be loved

My heart, body and soul yearn in the night towards him to love

I am alone once again and want to be two.

I speak and he is no longer here to listen.

I live and he is no longer here to share my life.

Where does this love come from?

Where does my love go?

Lord, how do I put my love aside and allow him to heal?

I want to love lord, I need to love

Here I sit this evening Lord, and my love is unused

Am I not worthy Lord to have Love that will never end?
I am a kind, generous, loving woman who has a lot of love to give.
Is wanting to love and be loved like I deserve asking for to much Lord?

My #1 Man

Just wanted to give an update on Lucky.  He's doing amazingly well. He has been clean almost 75 days I think(not sure). He's loving life living in Seattle and not being in Auburn around any of the people who influenced his habit. Don't get me wrong, I know Lucky is the only one responsible for his addiction. He was made house president of his oxford house, they have now asked him to take on a responsibility in his chapter. He's been working. Paid his own rent this month. Has not asked me for a dime. Dealing with his addiction on a daily basis had become a part of my life. Now that he's doing so well, I don't know what to do with myself.

My boyfriend and I broke up, and Lucky was trying to play the parent role and tell me to keep my chin up. He's telling me not to worry about his problems he will figure them out. But yet I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop!  Lucky's father has been finally stepping up to the plate and spending time with his son. He actually paid the remaining balance of Lucky's last treatment stay. I'm guessing now that he sees our son moving forward and making right choices he is willing to help him.

I pray every night that my higher power will help keep the temptation away from child. I really am trying to stay positive, but I've been here with Lucky before. He's done really well and then he falls off the wagon again. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying not have expectations, but its hard. I just got to take one day at a time.

I am so very proud of you son!!! I love you with all my heart and sole!!! No matter how hectic our lives become, I will always be here to help guide you in the right direction. The picture below is the day I gave birth to my beautiful boy! The other picture is just one of my favorite pics of him

 

The little things in life

Love

Lost Love Poem

I wanted to share this poem that my friend left me.  Thank You Pam :)

Lost Love Poem ~ We Were Meant To Be by Justice

We Were Meant To Be

Somewhere in time
We fell in love
Our feelings were so strong
Stars sparkled up above

Somewhere in time
Nothing else mattered
We were together
Until our hopes and our dreams were shattered

Somewhere in time
Great memories are there
Our love was once great
Nothing could compare

Somewhere in time
Our love stands still
A love that we lost
Somehow, against our will

Somewhere in time
We'll meet again
Somewhere in time
Our love will never end

Lucky

Next Sunday Lucky will be 60 days clean and sober!!!! wooty wooo!!! He's doing so well living in his oxford house in Seattle. He's working, they voted him house president, He's going to meetings every day. He's taking on his own problems, telling me not to worry about it.  He sent me a text today saying: "I'm always here mommas if you need me". It made me cry.  Even though he's doing so well I keep expecting the other shoe to drop.  I am so use to this disappointment of him failing, I keep waiting for it. I know its not right, but committee(my brain) wont stop. I haven't been very good about going to my al-anon meetings like I should. I haven't been to one in a week.  Trying to deal with other emotional issues that I have with someone I love, but its still no excuse. I need to get off my butt and go..

Just for today I will give it all to god. "one day at a time"

Broken Heart

How does one just get over a broken heart? How does one just stop loving someone you have been with for the last ten months? How does one tell you that I am not in love with you, and then a few days later tell you "I Love You, don't leave, I need you in my life. How does one just fall out of love? Ten months ago I tried my hardest not to fall in love with you, but you got me to let down my walls and let you in. Now here we are ten months later and I feel like you took my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. I am not a perfect person, I make mistakes.  All I have ever done is love you with all my heart and soul. I'm sorry that you are so unhappy.  I hope that you find the happiness your looking for.

Love

Find someone who isn't afraid to admit that they miss you. Someone who knows that you're not perfect, but treats you as if you are. Someone whose biggest fear is losing you. One who gives their heart completely. Someone who says I love you and means it. Find someone you wouldn't mind waking up with you in the morning, seeing your wrinkles and your gray hair but still falls in love with you all over again.

Faith

Fresh Grounded Faith

When you come to a sudden bump in the road....
Never allow your life circumstances to define you. Instead, let them refine you. Hard things are like heavenly sandpaper on your life. God uses them to shape and mold you into a work of art. When you feel the pressure of trials, remember that God won't allow them to crush you; He intends for them to make you beautiful.

When you feel afraid.....
Always exercise courage even when you don't feel confident. Courage is a choice; confidence is a feeling. Remember that courage and confidence are not the same thing. Ask God  to help you overcome earthly fear by developing  reverence  for him.  The only fear that brings you wisdom is the fear of God. Fear Him, reverence Him, and nothing else will shake you.

These are some paragraphs from a book Im reading called fresh grounded faith. I loved them, so I thought I would share.

I am thankful

Be thankful when You don't know something, for it gives You the Opportunity to Learn.Be Thankful for the difficult Times. During those times You Grow.Be thankful for Your Limitations, because they give You Opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for Your Mistakes. They will teach You valuable Lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means You've made a difference.It's easy to Be Thankful for the Good things.
A Life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.Find a way to be Thankful for Your Troubles, and they can become Your Blessings.

Mothers Day

When I looked on facebook I had this message from Lucky:  

Thank you for always being there for me mom, You are the most amazing mama a guy could ask for. Your the best, Happy Mothers Day. Love Your Son :) This just made my day today. I was so happy to read such a nice, caring message from my son even though I didn't get to spend it with him.

What are you thankful for?

Today I feel so blessed!!! Here is what I am thankful for today:
1. I'm thankful Lucky is alive and well. Living in a sober living home.
2. I'm thankful Lucky is sober
3. I'm thankful for my relationship with Rob
4. I'm thankful for the love of my family
5. I'm thankful for my lord and savior Jesus Christ
6. I'm thankful god answered my prayers and I received help with my financial situation today.
SO VERY GREATFUL!!!
7. I'm thankful for being a live and well in this beautiful world

Sobriety

As of Tuesday Lucky has 34 days of sobriety. Below is a post he put on facebook. As you can see he's feeling pretty great.

"Had a pretty amazing day, I feel great and i feel blessed for all the people i have in my life now and my family who has always been there. Got 34 Days of sobriety today and who knows what tomorrow will bring but you know what im high on life right now and it feels great. Night World =)"

He seems to be doing okay. It's nice not having him in our home. He's has caused a lot of pain and sorrow. Lucky has caused issues with my boyfriend and I. My boyfriend feels like he shit on him because he gave him a place to stay and eat. All he had to do is work and show that he was doing something with his life. He feels my son is lazy and just wants things handed to him. It pains me to admit but he's right.

The last few days my son has been very short tempered with me. Yesterday he hung up on me. He later called to apologize, I told him that I did not deserve the disrespect and that I did not want to talk to him at the moment. He's got rent coming up due next week for his sober living house. I told him I did not have the money, he says what about the money Nana sent you? The money my mother sent me was to replace the money I gave my child so he would have a place to live. It seems like he just never wants to grow up and take responsibility. I want to be able to live my life and be happy and not have to worry about my 20 year old child.  

Lucky got short tempered and told me he needed to go today because he was getting angry. I made the mistake of asking him if he has started looking for a job. Parenting is a hard job, but it seems worse when your dealing with an addict.

Just for today I will keep taking deep breaths, ask god to keep him away from temptation, and pray some day he will finally get it.

Oxford Housing

I am so angry that I just want to cry.  The sober living houses are expensive for one.  My son needs to be there away from his old friends in Auburn. Tonight his house mates are giving him a bad time because he is still 60 short.   I gave my son my last 200 for him to live in this house because he needs to be there.

The gentleman I talked to made me so angry saying its a matter of integrity. Were not trying to cheat them out of money. I am a single mother of an addict who has been unemployed for several months and just got back to work two weeks ago.

I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN!!!!!! I know everyone is going to tell me I am enabling him by trying to fix his problems. I cant think about my son being on the streets and I don't want him to live with me. What is a mother suppose to do. Please lord give us a break!!!

Ups and Downs of Recovery

Oh what an emotional day I have had.  This recovery process has so many ups and downs. You feel great for a while and then all of a sudden you hit a bump in the road.

Lucky did not get into the first sober living house he interviewed at, so yesterday I took Lucky to a Oxford house interview near Green Lake.  He was pumped and excited.  He called about 10 or 1030 to let me know that they have accepted him into the house.  The cost to move into the sober living home is $510.

To go back a few days, Lucky was blessed to have a gentleman named "D" come into his life while in treatment. This gentleman was clean for 17 years and had relapsed. He's been wanting to give back to the program that has helped him for so many years, and has built a friendship with my son. To give back he has decided to help Lucky with some costs of recovery.  I felt that it was a pretty big gesture for a person to do for someone he hardly knows.  "D" assured me that it was not a loan and that he really wanted to help my son out. Pastor is always saying that we all need to pay things forward to help others. I feel that God has brought "D" into my and my sons life for a reason. Which is a true blessing.

Lucky called from rehab this morning to let me know that he will only have $250 towards the rent of his sober living house. "D" does not want to cause more issues between him and his wife, which I totally understand. So now the night before Lucky gets out of the treatment facility we are scrambling to figure out how to pay for his rent. 

I know that figuring out how to pay his rent is not my problem, but I can't help not to worry about it.  I told Lucky that I don't know what to do. I received my first paycheck from my new job for a weeks worth of pay. I can either pay my cell phone bill or give my son the money so that he can have a sober place to live and be away from temptation.

To my surprise my son told me that he prayed and asked God for help on how to figure out how to pay for his Oxford house. I was totally surprised!!!! He doesn't want me to use my money because I need to have a phone.  I'm being hard on my self because I don't have the money to just pull out of the bank to pay for housing.  I don't want my son out on the street, but I don't want him in my house either. I know this stress of where he is going to live will be hard on his recovery to stay sober.

I'm feeling really anxious about this whole situation. I keep repeating my steps in my head. I am powerless over his disease. I can not change it or control it. In my head I keep asking myself why me? Why did my son end up being addict? Where did I go wrong raising him?

Just  for today I will give it to God...pray for guidance and strength to get through this bump in the road.

"One day at a time"

It was a beautiful day today. Woke up this morning the sun was out, the birds were singing. We went to church this morning and this afternoon we went to visit Lucky in rehab. Today he is 24 days clean and sober.  He looks good, and sounds good. He's very anxious to get out of course. 

Tonight at 8, he has an interview at an oxford house near Seattle. Lucky has decided that its not a good idea for his sobriety to be in the same area where he grew up.  All his using friends are in this area and of course all of his family. He says no offense mom, but there is to much drama on both sides of my family. He's right, I will agree with him on that one.  Lucky does not have a good relationship with his father. My family is not close, especially after my father died.

I will admit I'm feeling anxious about him leaving the confines of the treatment facility. I wished that I could lock him in there forever. Then I wouldn't have to worry about him. When he's in treatment I know that he's clean and sober, he has a roof over his head, he get's three hot meals a day. I know that he does not have to deal with peer pressure or the temptation of drugs and alcohol being around him. I keep telling myself  "Tina, you can not change it, you didn't cause it, you are powerless over his disease"

Lucky is on his 3 full stay in rehab, and 1 week of detox. Each and every time I get my hope up and believe he's going to stay clean, but I just end up getting disappointed once again.   I am trying to take one at a time, and to have no expectations.  It's difficult though.

Today while visiting my son, I found myself doing what I shouldn't be doing. I was telling Lucky that he can not hang around my sisters oldest daughter because she is an addict as well. I stopped myself and finished listening to what he had to say about the situation. He said your right mom. I can only be around her, when other family members are around. Its so hard to get out of bad habits. I have got to stop telling him what to do. It doesn't matter because he's an addict and a young adult. They do what they want no matter what you say anyways. During my first Al-Anon meeting I listened to a woman say you must treat your qualifier with respect, just as you would want them to treat you. I keep forgetting that because I always want to fix the problem and stir him away from trouble.  I think I need to go back to step one.

"Lucky" is my son's nick name that was given to him while playing baseball

Just for today I will keep reminding myself that Lucky's addiction is not my fault. That I am powerless over it. I'm going to keep giving it to God and take it "One day at a time"

My daily challenge today was to learn about local issues

My issue is not only local, but a national issue as well. April 30, 2011 the DEA is holding their second National Prescription Drug Take Back Day. The amount of teenagers abusing prescription drugs is increasing at an alarming rate. The majority of the abused drugs are obtained from the family medicine cabinet. A lot of parents may think "not my kid, no way". Well I'm here speaking from experience. "If you look at the percent of people 12 years or older who have abused prescription drugs. It's increased by 13 percent over the last two years" said Cook County Sheriff.

If you can not make it to the national take back day, there are safe ways to dispose of your prescribed drugs.
1. If they are solid crush them up and mix with water.
2. Mix the drugs with cat litter, coffee grounds, kitty litter anything unappetizing.

Being a mother of an addict, I encourage you to clean out your medicine cabinets. Don't leave the temptation for your kids or their friends to find something to get high on. Addicts are very resourceful when it comes to wanting to get high.

Experience..Strengths and hope

I woke up at 4 am. thinking about my son. I noticed he had called from rehab after I had already gone to bed.  He didn't leave no message, no one from Lakeside called to say he was hurt or left message. I guess you can say I have been feeling guilty because I have gone up to visit him yet. My obsessive mind starts running 90 miles an hour. I am feeling so angry because he has yet again put himself and I in this situation. I want to know when it is my turn to stop worrying about him. When is it my turn to be happy and get on with my life.

Today he posted this on facebook, so I have confirmation is doing well: 11 days clean today :) I'm doin well and feeling great. One day at a time. Love and miss you all :) peace out

My Al-Anon sponsor bought me a book called paths to recovery.  Step One: I have admitted I am powerless over his disease - that my life had become unmanageable. In working step one I can admit that I am totally powerless over his disease. I can not control my sons behavior or the power his disease has over him. The addict has different ways dealing with daily challenges and their own life. We are totally two different entities. For example, an addict thinks of how they will get their next fix. I think about what I have to do today, how am I going to pay that bill, what shall I make for dinner, etc.  Do I accept alcoholism and drug addiction are a disease? How does that change the way I deal with the addict? Yes, I accept that I'm dealing with a disease of addiction. I'm not quite sure how I will change the way I deal with my son.


I've tried changing my son by keeping him away from the people I know who are substance abusers or just bad for him to be around.  Where has it gotten me? Absolutely no where!!!! They lie and figure out was to get their fix behind your back. They get good at hiding their addiction, or I'm just a fool who does not see the signs. How do I feel when the alcoholic refuses to be and do what I want? How do I respond? I get so flipping angry and start yelling. Does it solve anything, NO. Makes me feel like shit in the long run and he just goes about his business.

In what situations do I feel shame or embarrassment for someone else's behavior? I feel shamed and embarrassed when I say my son is an addict. Treatment did nothing. When I found out he's lied and made a fool of me once again. When he steals from me, when I call him on it, he continues to lie to my face.

What brought me into Al-Anon? The way I have been dealing with my child's addiction is not working for me. I am depressed, I have anxiety so bad. I'm afraid for the phone to ring or someone knocking on my door. I've been to two AL-anon meetings, I did not realize there are so many people out there having the exact same feelings and emotions as I do. You can feel the love and that people care to hear your story. The day I realized my life was so unmanageable was the day my boyfriend told me. "I don't know if I want to be together anymore" "you are never happy". The day my son came to me and said I need rehab again. This all gave me the kick in the ass to do something for myself. Not for my boyfriend, not for my son, but myself. I'm tired of feeling sad.

The rest of the questions for working step one, I am going to have to go deeper into thought about.

Just for today I know I am powerless over the disease. I can not change it

Zoom in on something in the movie of your life. ~ Daily Challenge

How to do it

Imagine your life is a movie and you are the main character. Do you like the movie's plot? Do you like the supporting cast? What title would you give your movie? Now, get deeper into the story and identify one aspect of your life that you would like to either accentuate or improve.

Why it matters

Pulling back and using the wide-angle lens gives us a new perspective! An overview of our lives allows us to evaluate what's positive and what isn't. From here, it allows us to pinpoint something - a career? a relationship? - that we might want to work on.

https://challenge.meyouhealth.com

My Story

The name of my story would be stop thinking with your heart and do what your brain is telling you.  In my story I need to make myself the main focus.  Lately I have forgotten about myself and my well being.  My sons disease has consumed my life. In this movie I will stop thinking with my heart, stop trying to fix his problems. It is  not my fault hes an addict.I did not make him an addict.  I need to give him to god and keep praying he will get better. Its my turn to be happy and enjoy my life. Its my turn to get well.

Detachment, Love and Forgiveness

Today I attended my first Al-Anon meeting. I actually said in front of many people "Hi I'm Tina, I'm a mother of an alcoholic and drug addict. That was a huge step for me, for many months my sons drug and alcohol counselors have been trying to get me to attend meetings, so I can start my own personal healing.

In reading an article about detachment, love and forgiveness, I learned Al-Anon recovery is about reclaiming our lives.  This is done by focusing on ourselves, build on our strengths,  ask and accept help with limitation.  

When you have a loved one in your life who is an addict.  You life becomes entangled in that persons life.  You begin covering up, smoothing over, making excuses, paying to bail them out of trouble, give then a place to live because you don't want them out on the street.  

I think obsessively about what he is doing. Is he going to work, Is he hanging out with drug users. The users past, current and potentional actions become our sole focus. I've learned today this is not love, it is obsession. Your not helping your addict get well, Its self destructive and harmful. 

Al-Anon teaches us to detach ourselves from our loved ones. To separate ourselves emotionally and spiritually from our loved ones. How do you do that to someone you gave life to? In my head I understand that detachnment from my loved one is for me to be able to reclaim my own life back.

Today my son decided to hang up on me when he called me from rehab. He wants to know why I haven't been up to visit, what are we going to do about the $200 co-pay that they still need for her stay in their facility. I asked him what he expected me to do about this, I have no money. The next thing I know the phone went dead. I know its the disease lashing out, but I choose not to condone is behavior.

Daily Challenge ~ Define your dream =)

A dream of mine is to start a program for teen aged kids who are addicted to drugs, alcohol and prescriptions medications. Get them involved in their church, give them counseling, teach them skills to survive on their own, continue or complete their education that they need. Teach them how to have faith in god, etc.

Happy Birthday Dad!

My dad would have been 62 years old today.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. On this day, I have been thinking about good memories of my father. Like his silly laugh when he was watching something on TV that he enjoyed, or the time I rode on his motorcycle from Yakima to Oregon, and how we use to watch orange county choppers or motorcycle building shows together. 

This is a picture of my very young parents at my grandparents home.

God gave us memories that we might have roses in December.  ~J.M. Barrie, Courage, 1922

What a wonderful day!

Today has been the most wonderful day. Things are falling into place and getting better. My biggest news is my son is moving out with his best friend. FINALLY!!! I'm so very excited for him to start his new journey.  As some of you know I've been through a great deal with my son, but that's a whole other blog.

Now Rob and I can have our much needed alone time, so that we may grow as lovers, best friends and partners. 

Never settle for less than you deserve. If you find the one who makes you happy, hold on tight. If you have problems, communicate, set goals, don't just talk make it work!

Chris Siebol

MARYSVILLE - Chris Siebol, 58, of Marysville, Washington passed away from cancer Thursday, February 7, 2008 at home in Marysville in the care of his wife Sharla Siebol and his daughter Tina Luckenbach.

He was born on March 11, 1949 in Yakima, Washington to Jack Siebol and Olive Stewart. He married his high school sweet heart Sharla Keen on December 21, 1968 in Yakima, Washington. Chris and Sharla were married for thirty-nine years before he passed. Chris served in the Vietnam War from 1963 to 1973 in the 101st second brigade division. During his time in the service he was awarded several commendations and metals.

He is survived by his wife Sharla Siebol of Marysville, Washington. His children Tina Luckenbach of Marysville, Washington, Shannon Siebol of Puyallup, Washington, Chris Siebol of Seattle, Washington. Chris is also survived by his siblings: Terry Siebol of Selah, Donna Neuman of Yakima, Bob Siebol of Selah, and Sharon Simpson of Yakima, Washington; five grand children, one great-grand son, several nieces and nephews, several aunts and uncles. He was preceded in death by his mother and father Olive & Jack Siebol.

 

 

Live ~ Laugh ~ Love

I want my daddy back!

I wrote this after my father passed (3 years this February). I just found it again, wanted to share it.



I want my Daddy back!

Today, February 7, 2008 was the saddest day of my life. Our wonderful husband, father, grandfather and great-grandfather of many years left our world.

Daddy walked right out of his body up to heaven through my tears to god. Daddy is no longer in pain and is now resting. The lord took that pain away when daddy took his last breath. I am very grateful for that, but I want my Daddy back.

My daddy took his last breath while I was sleeping in the other room. How I wanted to be there when he walked out of his body up to heaven, I want my daddy back.

While helping my mother care for my dad during his last days, I leaned in and whispered I love you daddy. He said I love you too honey. I want my daddy back!

My daddy lived with a horrible disease for two years and one month to the date.   People tell me he is no longer in pain and that he is in a better place, but my heart feels like it is breaking because I want my daddy back.

I will never get to see my daddy again. I can't pick up the phone to say hi daddy how was your day? I can't jump in the car to go visit him. I want my daddy back.

I have to wait until one day the lord and creator decides it's my turn to be able to visit my daddy.  Lord, please handle my daddy with tender loving care.  He is a very caring, selfless and loving man. He deserves the best!

I miss and love you very much Daddy! Rest in peace
Your Little Girl Forever,
Tina Marie

Inspiration

Today I decided to read a friends blog. It was very inspiring and uplifting for me. I made the decision to give this a try. I am trying to make significant changes in my life and I think blogging my give me an avenue to write or just journal about life. Thank you Pamela for being an inspiration to me.